Like it or not, communication always flows in two ways - "I understand what you're saying" and "You understand what I'm saying." In order to communicate well with these two sentences in mind, it's essential to know yourself. Not just superficially, but honestly and deeply, not just glorifying your bright side, but also honestly looking at your own shadow side.
The term “shadow side” was popularized by psychoanalyst Carl Jung. We don’t like to admit it, but we all have a shadow self. It usually consists of parts of ourselves that we find unacceptable. For many people, this means things like envy, anger, laziness, cruelty. Most people have a decent idea of themselves, their values, and a moral system of what they consider to be correct behavior. This can be completely overturned by the shadow behavior or shadow emotion of the shadow side because it doesn’t fit with the self-image they have created. Thus, it is unacceptable to the consciousness.
Because of its unacceptability, when the shadow self appears, we often see the seemingly “unacceptable” trait projected onto another person, like a mirror. At this time, we tend to judge and criticize others harshly, especially if these judgments arise from impulse. This projection often manifests itself in blaming, where we often feel like the “victim” of the situation. So, we first reject our shadow side and then project it.
During our work on self-knowledge, sooner or later the question will arise: HOW DO I GET RID OF MY SHADOW? So, rejection and projection do not work. When we suppress and deny things about ourselves, they do not disappear. Rather, they may grow in strength in the subconscious invisibly and causing us more and more difficulties.
If we accept that this exists, we are not agreeing that it is “okay”, but rather we are gaining an objective view of “WHAT IS”.
Each of the parts we previously considered "bad" is there for a reason, and by putting it on the table, in the light, we can examine, among other things, how it got there and what it is that we need to integrate through it.
In this integrative work, we often recommend that, if possible, we take the drama out of the process and bring a little lightness and humor into it. In this way, the seven cardinal sins actually become seven important teachings.
It helps to be curious, with a clear mind and without prejudice, what we find - for example, "What kind of anger is inside me?" or "I remember my mother was always angry too... and my grandmother too... I wonder why?".
And anger can be anything else: bitterness, enviousness, gluttonousness... But the point is - to treat what we find with acceptance, objectivity, compassion.
These feelings of acceptance, objectivity, and compassion are essential because the dark side is not bad, but rather brings helpful teachings to us. It shows us where we have flaws, where we suffer from deficiencies, where we want to make up for them at a low level by blaming others for our shortcomings
If we integrate our dark side, then in a conflict situation we strive not for competition but for higher competence, and we do not seek allies for a possible war in which everyone loses, but rather we seek consensus, a "win-win" situation.
If we know ourselves, we can lead ourselves. We can enter into conflict without fear, because we know that conflicts move the world forward and we can resolve them with consensus.
If we can lead ourselves, we can lead others too. Self-governance is one of the most important quality of a leader.