We hear this sentence a lot. It's a challenge to hear it from a person who is over fifty, but it is even more of a challenge from someone who is only thirty. We participated in a three-day long, inspiring online workshop with Dr. Edith Eva Eger in 2024. Probably, many of you are familliar with her book "The Decision”.
Edi - as everyone calls her - said this about trauma: “Our painful experiences are not a burden, but a gift. They give us a perspective and meaning, an opportunity to find our unique purpose and strength.”
It means that everything is really a matter of choice. As Edi says, our greatest freedom is being able to have this choice.
That is the real question with being stuck: do I actually want to have a choice? Do I want to make a decision and have change?
Everyone is afraid of change – that’s normal. However, fear has ensured and still ensures our survival. When we cross the road, we always look around to see if there is a bicycle or car coming that could hit us, or before climbing a tree, we check whether we can get down… Fear, normally, encourages us to assess our options, our circumstances and shows us where we need to pay a little more attention, or maybe to prepare a “B” version…
It is a misconception that a choice that brings change is good when we say “yes” and bad when we say “no”. Actually, a decision is good if we feel GOOD about it, because it empowers us. So, the most important in our choices is not whether it is a “yes” or a “no” choice, but that we feel congruent with it.
It is a valid. choice that we say “no" to change right then and there.
AND feel okay about it!
However, in such cases, we often cover ourselves up with the words “I am Stuck in What Life Threw at Me”. In fact, if we are completely and deeply honest with ourselves, we should say to ourselves - “I don’t have the strength, the energy for change right now, I’m not ready to do it or take the next step yet.” This is much more authentic and honest. The energy that stays within us with this clear choice, gives us a chance to gather strength for the next step - to make the decision that we want to change, to be different and feel better.
New Year's resolutions tend to fail when we try to change 10 -15 things in our lives, all at once, when just ONE is enough. So it's worth considering that ONE thing to start with and do it every single day. For example: “I'll sit down every morning to breathe through my body…” or “I'll commit to doing yoga twice a week…” or “I'll change my plate from big to smaller…"
Try out how you can create new thoughts, thus new feelings and ultimately new habits as part of your everyday life, by one small step at a time!
"Time doesn't heal. What you do with time heals." Dr. Edith Eva Eger